Ecstacy

I love how generally, when one has a horrible, shit-shoveling day, that day is generally followed by a really surreal day. Today is (has been at least) my good counterstriking day. I am so confident about the results of my Philosophy exam...so confident, in fact, that I'm even considering studying philosophy. I can be a journalist with a philo. degree, I think.

I'm a Hillcrest Hottie! Kelly's just one of those people here (like so few others) that I sincerely wish I would have gotten to know better over the course of the semester.

I'm going to study "hardcore" with Erin all day today for our Astronomy final. Then, I'm giving myself a wee vacation--I'm going to see "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" seul tomorrow night, going shopping in Kansas City seul Thursday, having devious fun with Erin and Sarah on Thursday night, and coming home Friday!

I'm really quite content now, if you can't tell. The exclamation points sort of give it away.

FrustratioN!

My frustrated self deemed the last "n" worthy of capitalization. It's futile trying to help people. For me, at least. I always feel like I subconsciously turn everything around onto myself, like I always have to commandeer every conversation. I was trying to help a friend this evening, who had had a few drinks (so it was hopeless), and I just went off on this tangent. He grew angry and hastily signed off. I really cannot help people, nor have I ever been able to help people, so no one shall ever ask for my advice/shoulder again. Thank you.

My blog is so dog-damned boring. Why do you even read this drivel.

Poly-Sci/Philosophy final tomorrow. I cannot sleep due to caffeine overdose. Everyone needs to have an Erin in their lives...unless they're really stupid and conservative and do not think beyond reality.

Ixnay on the uckingfay itshay

Everything's fixed! Hooty hoo!

Sarah...sign the goddamned guestbook. And that goes for everyone else, too.

Fucking shit fuck fuck

I did something really stupid today. Or rather, I didn't do something today. Either way, I'm fucked big time. I hatehatehate what I do to myself! Aaghh. Plus, I have to buy about 800 gifts this week.

My French final went well. Mlle. Cisse is writing a letter of recommendation for me--horray!

That's all. Studying much today.

Musings

How glad am I that I saved all of those triangular-shaped notes I received in my middle-school heyday. They kept me entertained for hours last night, while I was supposed to be cleaning out my closet. Things seemed so complicated back then--in a trivial way. Our letters could very well pass for soap opera fodder. Oh, and I was really into writing love letters to random girls, and luckily I saved a copy of most of them. I was just way too charming for my age. I'll scan one and post it here someday.

I'm in BIG trouble with the law. Ok, so not really big trouble. But enough trouble to make me angry/frustrated. I dont'e ver ever want to drive another car again. As long as I live.

My weekend at home was good--theo and I saw a superb film last night, "Personal Velocity." It was great--really made me realize that the best films are ones shot with a minimal budget, few locations, and a home camcorder. It really...made me think. Which is something a film hasn't done for quite some time.

I really enjoy driving my father's van. I feel so much safer, almost empowered, when I'm high above everyone else on the road. Erin and I never cease to amuse ourselves--for the last hour of the trip, we sang the blues like always--although this time, our songs were improved by a primo rhythm section, even though we didn't have Frisbee the Slinky to assist us in our musical endeavours. Who would have thought that we could transcend our past musical experiences in the car with clapping? It was great. I don't want this to be our last trip home.

French final--tomorrow--10:30AM. (I'll) be there.

A la maison

I'm home again. Just for the weekend. Not too thrilling.

Last night, after a long series of angry phone conversations, I went over to Theo's house and watched a bit of television. It was good.

Today began at around 12:30 for me, for some reason. Oh, yes--I was awoken at 5:30AM to help with some computer malfunction, so my sister could print some paper. My family will never learn how to use a computer...who knows what they'll do when I leave.

I went to Geneva Commons with Erin, did some Christmas shopping (Liz/Aunt J), ate at Cosi, and studied for about 87 hours at her house. Right now I'm watching "Monster's Ball."

Tomorrow, Chicago with Theo, and that's about it. This may be the most boring post I've ever conceived. Even I'm getting sleepy rereading it all.

Don't let the math scare you

I hate my life. I really do. I was reminded today (by Theo, who suddenly questioned my motives for leaving Mizzou) how I made the decision not to come to Missouri for school this semester, based on the rediculous notion that I would have to live in a dorm on another college's campus a mile away from the heart of my university. But, no...I resolved to put the negatives aside and focus on the known variables of this equation called college--learning new and interesting things(a), meeting people so similar to me and so different from me(+b), and overall having the best four years of my life(=c).

I did accomplish all of those things, ironically enough. Well, "a" and "b" at least. I learned new things, like intense conservatism and closedmindedness, and interesting things, like how to gut a possum and chew Spam with only 7.5 teeth. I met Tara (I spelled her name "Tata" originally and giggled) and Sarah, and of course my Erin, who are all (seemingly) very similar to me. Everyone else...well, I was exposed to new people and new "ideas." That's all I have to say. But unfortunately, these factors didn't constitute a complete "c."

So, I'm moving on. I made a mistake and I'm righting it, in what I would deem a very good way. I am, as of last night, getting increasingly more anxious/nervous about my new situation, including my place of living and as-of-yet unknown university (I lied, Jeff--my winter semester plans aren't QUITE in stone yet). I throw myself into these situations where I have little to no control, and just expect things to work themselves out in the end, like some modern, horrid Dickens tale.

I'm going to go move my car now.

*Furling brow*

I don't actually know why. So don't ponder.

This week, like the weeks preceding it, has flown by quite rapidly. Few interesting things have happened to me, I'm afraid. Monday, I finished Stephen King's most recent collection of short stories, "Everything's Eventual," which was fairly decent. I always feel like a teenage girl reading King...his works have become adolescent "scare me" fodder. Tuesday, which I must remind myself is (well, was) today, was even blander than Monday. I had fun with Tara at the bookstore, ate and studied with Erin, and wrote a paper about global economics. I'm so relieved I'm coming home in a few days--I have officially run out of clean socks, and have very few fun shirts left to wear. Sigh.

I've been packing my things up these past few days--I feel like I came here with a lot less than I'm leaving with. Two car trips may not be satisfactory.

My apartmental (ha) future is back on track! I spoke to Shannon today (Yesterday? Shit.) and everything's finalized. I'm so excited! I have two windows, my OWN BATHROOM with a BATHTUB, hardwood floors, and wonderful queer-friendly roommates! I'm really excited about this prospect, if you can't tell. I hope to move in by December 29 (my parents' wedding anniversary, consequently). I feel like, for once in my life, things are finally looking up.

Oh, and one administrative thing--I'm going to take the commenting program off my Blog--no one uses them, and they sully the demure elegance of my journal. So, there.

The History of...
"Boy in brown shirt"

Many have asked me these past few weeks about the origin of my screen name/E-mail address/Blog's URL. "Boy in brown shirt" is what Theo referred to me as in his Blog (November 3), after we met in person at a Prospect Pride meeting. (I'm not going to go into grave detail about the whole affair, as far as why he was writing about me in the first place...make something up.) I was wearing this courdoroy-type (that is SO not how that is spelled) tan button-down shirt that evening, and the name stuck. To this day, I have never worn that shirt again. In fact, I have cut it up and used it to adorn several gifts to Theo.

More history lessons to come...if anyone asks me any obscure questions.

Sunday, Sunday

it's getting harder and harder to come up with relevant headings for each posting. Have mercy.

Erin and I rented Pumpkin today, an accurately farcical indepedent film about a sorostitute who falls in love with a mentally impaired man. It was really enjoyable and sad and wonderful. Christina Ricci--rock on.

I only have four days left of class, and then I take half of my belongings home, and then I have a few finals, and then I come home for good. Every day, I feel more and more out of place here, like a can of Spam in a Louis Vuitton suitcase. Or rather, I feel like a Louis Vuitton suitcase stranded in some gravel-runway airport in Alabama. That's more accurate.

My future is so up in the air--my conversation with C. Shannon this evening really clarified that. I have ten days (starting Dec. 21) to:
1. Move into my apartment
2. Transfer to the Broadway Gap
3. Get into a university
4. Have Christmas/New Year's/etc.
5. Work at my current Gap

I'm sure there are more things that I've forgotten that I'll panic about in the middle of the night. Well, i should get on that.

Apathy in the form of a day

I spent the former part of my day (which began at1:30PM) convincing Erin that I wasn't angry or anything with her. Then, I spent the latter part of my day in St. Louis. First, shopping at the Galleria, and then to Chris Jensen's chmber choir concert. I'm a big musical homo, so of course I love all choir concerts like I was the parent to all 30 musicians onstage. The concert itself was long, but the music was amazing--the vocalists were well above-par, and the selections were brilliant in themselves. I've always had a soft spot for performing in/listening to choirs, and being there really made me want to be in choir again. As a baritone, this time around. None of that tenor-shmenor shit. One last thing about the concert: the last time I've seen this many Jews in one place was last month's storewide clearance sale at Neimann-Marcus. Oy.

Oh, and don't take offense to that. J'adore les juifs.

Misconceptions

There was a time, a time not long ago at all, that I thought Erin and I could do anything. There's a connection that best friends have that make each person feel invincible to all pain, better judgement, and reason. But, as I learned tonight, this is simply (cynically) not the case. We all live our own lives, and have to stand en guarde against our own fears and morals. Angry? Only at myself, I suppose, for being so naive to think that friendship is some wond'rous chastity belt against all the evil genitalia of the world, and that such an unseen, unprovable theory can enable people to ignore their own fears. Disappointed? Yes, but I'll get over it when Erin and I do something fun again in the future.

Idle Memory #902 (And some assorted musings)

We were discussing the bathroom/water closet principle in French class today. For some reason, I immediately was reminded of the Hotel Aphrodite in Rome. Theo and I arrived in Rome around 1:00AM (midnight, maybe?) and of course hadn't a single hotel reservation made. So, after fending off the evil hostel salesmen in Rome's train station, we plodded out and called several hotels. After about the eighth try, we finalyl found a horribly expensive place, ironically named the Hotel Aphrodite. This place was just horrible...80 Euros paid for two doll-sized beds, a disgusting floor, a "lovely" view of two naked prostitutes in a window opposite ours, a fan with ho oscilation, and (this is what jogged my memory) a bathroom with a shower. But, this was no ordinary shower: it was actually just a hose protruding from the wall. No bathtub, no curtain...just a drain hole in the middle of the bathroom floor. I think we tried to flood the bathroom, to show our disdain. Rome wasn't one of my favorite places on the trip.

My father is such a wax philosopher, or so he'd like to think. I get these e-mails that are just insane, but really "cute" and thoughtful. It is nice to have a sturdy home life.

Someone down the hall from me is playing the "Let's Get Soakin' Wet" song. Hmm...I don't understand.

Artiste!

Biggest accomplishment of the day/week thus far: making Drunk Shannon's fan-FUCKING-tastic birthday present. She is going to fill her panties with urine again and again over this. Who cares if her birthday was nearly a month ago...

My future (If I pass Poly-Sci)

This excites me.

Baise-moi

Aujourd'hui, j'ai commence le jour avec mauvais chance. Pour le cours de Francais, j'ai arrive avec ni mon cahier ni ma cerveau. Je suis tres stupide. Pendant le classe, j'ai ne sais pas rien. Je deteste etre non prepare. Donc, je suis ecriture dans ma Blog en le Francais. Vous allez a Babelfish pour traduire cette paragraphe. Merci.

(Babelfish fucks the shit out of real French. The translation looks like something David Sedaris would say.)

New W&G tonight.

Flatlined

Now that I'm back, Blogging my soul away, I have nothing to write about. Nothing exciting/dramatic/noteworthy happens anymore. I've decided to quit, for the third time in the span of a month. We'll see if it "takes." This weekend will inevetably involve me seeing a movie solo on Friday (it's not as depressing as it sounds, honestly), and heading over to Wash. U on Saturday for a concert. I do really live a mundane life. Does someone want to irritate me, so that I have something to kvetch about? That wouldn't be terribly bad.

Durr

Strike that last post from the record, your Honor. I stepped out of my residence hall this morning at 8:45, only to be bitchslapped by the freezing cold/SNOW. No more, no more.

Pro

The only reason (aside from Erin) I would consider staying in Missouri next semester is the state's weather. Monday was a gloriously sunny day--I was awoken by the bright sunlight washing into my room. I stepped outside, expecting another frigid winter day, only to be wrapped in the warmth of an Indian Fall. The entire day was beautiful.

Erin and I had a Dangerous Liasons day. After watching the majority of Valmont on AMC (A remake of the novel/film), she and I rented the original Glenn Close period film and watched it. I did enjoy it.

A brief list of films to rent:
1. Dangerous Liasons
2. The Anniversary Party
3. Italian for Beginners
4. Lovely and Amazing
5. Monsters, Inc.

I found the perfect bed on CB2's website. All I'm getting for Christmas is furniture, and some conservative Republican propaganda from my grandfather. Isn't that depressing? I suppose, yadda yadda yadda, children in Somalia/Harlem/Carpentersville are lucky if they even get to eat and shower (Cyndi!) on Christmas day. I'm done complaining, I suppose.

I'm really left with nothing to complain about, now that my future happiness is partially secure.

Idle Memory #859

Our first kiss--it was on Thanksgiving, a year ago. Theo and I had just seen "Amelie" at AMC30, and were strolling through his neighbourhood (it was not as chilly last year) at a late hour. I started driving away, headed for home and a horde of thinking, as his Saturn pulls up into the intersection.
"I turn left, correct?" I naively asked.
"Yes, but I was wondering if it would be alright if I kissed you."
"Sure," I replied, with an enthusiastic grin.

He hopped into my car, and we kissed. It was so foreign--not only a new mouth, but a completely different style. I was used to the passionate, frantic hunger of a kiss, with tongue, teeth, and lips all swirling into a dissonant symphony. But this, this was different: more careful, delicate, like a wet paint brush dancing across textured canvas. His nose was moist; I immediately endeared that perfectly flawed trait. I drove home and pondered even more than I planned to.