Personal Failing No. 894
For whatever reason, my lackluster interest in studying and doing homework has reached an all time low since this semester began. I hate how class sessions are filled with so much uncertainty; even if I feel I've sufficiently read what I needed to read (for the classes I actually prepare for), I'm still under-equipped to handle discussion. I'm skipping my first class simply because I don't want to deal with the unexpected this morning; while this is my first absence from this class (a personal record?), the pain of actually going to that class will pale in comparison to the fear of not knowing what I've missed by skipping.
How does one motivate oneself?
A record of the life and times of one brown shirt-wearing university student, struggling to escape his fear of intimacy, overcome his hunger for eternal supremacy in every aspect, and never have to write a description of his life like this again.
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Sunday, October 17, 2004
On Awful Consumption-Driven Holidays
Instead of graciously allowing Theo and me to have some intimacy last night, Yuki decided to punish our sodomy by tearing up an entire box of Kleenex all over the house. Just because we took your sex drive away doesn't mean you can punish us for still having it.
In other news, the Chicago Tribune just announced that GEORGE W. BUSH is their candidate for president. How can this paradigmatic Chicago institution betray its state's Democratic identification and supporta candidate that most of its state doesn't? Oh, yeah, media deregulation. Duh. (Bastards--they no longer will serve as my "home page"--since Theo has had to have a NYT subscription for his class, I've fallen in love with the paper, and it will now greet me every time I access the Internet.)
Work, then "training."
Instead of graciously allowing Theo and me to have some intimacy last night, Yuki decided to punish our sodomy by tearing up an entire box of Kleenex all over the house. Just because we took your sex drive away doesn't mean you can punish us for still having it.
In other news, the Chicago Tribune just announced that GEORGE W. BUSH is their candidate for president. How can this paradigmatic Chicago institution betray its state's Democratic identification and supporta candidate that most of its state doesn't? Oh, yeah, media deregulation. Duh. (Bastards--they no longer will serve as my "home page"--since Theo has had to have a NYT subscription for his class, I've fallen in love with the paper, and it will now greet me every time I access the Internet.)
Work, then "training."
Thursday, October 14, 2004
Old Hat
I've been ruminating about this old hat for several days, and I suppose it's time I try it on once again. I will spare you the long, drawn out melodrama that is my inner struggle with (etc. etc.), and instead will present you a detailed list of the banal undertakings with which I have preoccupied myself.
1. As of a few months ago, Theo and I (along with Allison, the singular exception to my friend-phobic syndrome) have been undertaking the odd, vulgar sport of bowling. Truly, I reserve my Sunday evenings for a piece of smoky, smelly, noisy sanctuary that is the bowling alley. And I adore it. Now, the three of us have a goal--to compete in the 2006 Gay Games in Chicago.
2. Theo and I, thanks to the Chicago International Film Festival, saw the premiere of Annette Bening's Being Julia. A film about an aging stage actress in the late 1930s, Being Julia tickled me pink. It wasn't until later that I realized it has a similar setup to Sunset Boulevard. Oh well. Ms. Bening was actually present for the screening, as she accepted an award for her dedication to "discovery." She's radiant. Theo and I will be attending a screening of The Polar Express next week, at which both Tom Hanks and Robert Zimeckis will be present.
3. While home this weekend, I "liberated" city property by removing a Bush/Cheney '04 sign from the easement of a street near my house. As the days progress, and the polls show a tighter and tighter race, I've begun preparing for the worst. I'm really not confident that Kerry will win (especially when, I've learned, a close friend simply cannot make up her mind between the two candidates). I know this will sound awful and harsh, but I cannot understand why one would support President Bush unless they are rich, or a conservative Christian, or ignorant. I think that the so-called "liberal media" has successfully presented a fair depiction of the devastation that is the war on Iraq, and if that, along with national security, is the lone issue on which people vote, the evidence is clear that George W. Bush is unable to succeed in either of these "wars." (I must stop now, even though I could write pages and pages regarding current world politics.)
4. In my creepy solitude, I've also taken up sewing. I'm getting weird.
5. I've seen many wonderful movies and read many wonderful books, but I won't bore you with reviews.
6. Yuki has successfully learned to both sit and shake--two feats I never thought I would see in her. I jsut had her groomed this week, and the apathetic groomer (I refuse to say where I went; it explains everything) trimmed her fur down to 1/2 inch or so. She looks like a real German Shepherd, which wasn't what I was going for. Worse yet, the groomer actually LISTENED to me when I said, "keep her tail kind of long." She didn't trim a hair off Yuki's tail; its rotund shape nearly dwarfs that of the rest of her body.
7. I've also become an eBay addict. But, that's pretty obvious--if you've been to eBay, you can understand what I mean.
8. I'm really getting into straight-leg jeans. I think they're fantastic. Hello, 80s. I also found a brilliant Harris Tweed (the highest-quality tweed ever) herringbone-patterned blazer at Village Discount Outlet a few weeks ago. The cost? $1.50.
9. My relationship with Theo has become a mutually satisfying endeavor; while we still bicker on occasion, I'm truly grateful for what I have, especially considering the awfulness other couples I've witnessed must deal with. (I suppose, though, that given the fact that he is the only person I even have to "open up" to now, I'm a bit jaded and rose-colored-eyeglassed. But that's still nice.)
I'm not sure when journaling here will become a habit again, but until that day comes, enjoy autumn.
I've been ruminating about this old hat for several days, and I suppose it's time I try it on once again. I will spare you the long, drawn out melodrama that is my inner struggle with (etc. etc.), and instead will present you a detailed list of the banal undertakings with which I have preoccupied myself.
1. As of a few months ago, Theo and I (along with Allison, the singular exception to my friend-phobic syndrome) have been undertaking the odd, vulgar sport of bowling. Truly, I reserve my Sunday evenings for a piece of smoky, smelly, noisy sanctuary that is the bowling alley. And I adore it. Now, the three of us have a goal--to compete in the 2006 Gay Games in Chicago.
2. Theo and I, thanks to the Chicago International Film Festival, saw the premiere of Annette Bening's Being Julia. A film about an aging stage actress in the late 1930s, Being Julia tickled me pink. It wasn't until later that I realized it has a similar setup to Sunset Boulevard. Oh well. Ms. Bening was actually present for the screening, as she accepted an award for her dedication to "discovery." She's radiant. Theo and I will be attending a screening of The Polar Express next week, at which both Tom Hanks and Robert Zimeckis will be present.
3. While home this weekend, I "liberated" city property by removing a Bush/Cheney '04 sign from the easement of a street near my house. As the days progress, and the polls show a tighter and tighter race, I've begun preparing for the worst. I'm really not confident that Kerry will win (especially when, I've learned, a close friend simply cannot make up her mind between the two candidates). I know this will sound awful and harsh, but I cannot understand why one would support President Bush unless they are rich, or a conservative Christian, or ignorant. I think that the so-called "liberal media" has successfully presented a fair depiction of the devastation that is the war on Iraq, and if that, along with national security, is the lone issue on which people vote, the evidence is clear that George W. Bush is unable to succeed in either of these "wars." (I must stop now, even though I could write pages and pages regarding current world politics.)
4. In my creepy solitude, I've also taken up sewing. I'm getting weird.
5. I've seen many wonderful movies and read many wonderful books, but I won't bore you with reviews.
6. Yuki has successfully learned to both sit and shake--two feats I never thought I would see in her. I jsut had her groomed this week, and the apathetic groomer (I refuse to say where I went; it explains everything) trimmed her fur down to 1/2 inch or so. She looks like a real German Shepherd, which wasn't what I was going for. Worse yet, the groomer actually LISTENED to me when I said, "keep her tail kind of long." She didn't trim a hair off Yuki's tail; its rotund shape nearly dwarfs that of the rest of her body.
7. I've also become an eBay addict. But, that's pretty obvious--if you've been to eBay, you can understand what I mean.
8. I'm really getting into straight-leg jeans. I think they're fantastic. Hello, 80s. I also found a brilliant Harris Tweed (the highest-quality tweed ever) herringbone-patterned blazer at Village Discount Outlet a few weeks ago. The cost? $1.50.
9. My relationship with Theo has become a mutually satisfying endeavor; while we still bicker on occasion, I'm truly grateful for what I have, especially considering the awfulness other couples I've witnessed must deal with. (I suppose, though, that given the fact that he is the only person I even have to "open up" to now, I'm a bit jaded and rose-colored-eyeglassed. But that's still nice.)
I'm not sure when journaling here will become a habit again, but until that day comes, enjoy autumn.